I don't know how life got so hard to live through. I think about my past all the time and wonder why some things can't just go back to the way they were again. I wish that my family wasn't so dysfunctional. We don't get along like we should. My relationship with my mother is not good at all. I used to love my mother. But as the years have gone by, I've noticed that things have gone so downhill that I don't this family can make it back up.
My brother is an ass, and he hits me all the time and my parents have never stopped cussing even when i was really young. All my life, i always thought that everything was all good. I thought that my relationships with my family was okay. But the thing is, I've been lying to myself all these years. My mother's voice yelling at me in the past two months have showed me that nothing is okay, it's never just been okay.
I've been blind to the fact that there is no way this family can work. Our tempers, and our problems with each other show that really well. I never thought that my mom would ever hate me. I've always thought that if your mother really loves you, she would never say that your a spoiled, deceitful brat. I never thought that something I do would cause such a reaction.
Every holiday has been horrible as the years go by. The only holiday i enjoyed in 2009 was Halloween. Christmas was kind of a disaster because my mom found out about my F in guitar. She yelled at me and I yelled back. She was making everybody clean the house and my room was a little messy. i tried to clean up some of the things that shouldn't be lying around, but i had forgotten that stupid letter sent home addressed to my dad. She found when she had been cleaning out my desk.
My birthday party was fun, but my birthday day was horrid. I had forgotten my key, and my dad said he would leave the house unlocked for me, but the house wasn't unlocked. I was going to call my dad but I had a couple missed calls from my mom so I called her back and she was not happy. Apparently, I was supposed to keep my phone in my pocket so I could answer her call or whatever. So I was locked out of the house for a few hours.
Yeah, that's some of my boring stories of the craptastic times I've had.
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=( FYI: Most families are dysfunctional. But it's good to know that you are realizing the truth and all that. And I know it's hard, but the best way to handle a fight is to try and "put it out" like extinguishing a fire. Yelling back doesn't help. I'm not going to pretend like I know exactly what you are going through and what your family is like, but these are things I've learned...On the bright side, you could move out anytime you want and soon you'll be away from them for good, if you so desire. You're not that far from getting away from it all. Focus on that. Maybe it will help...and DON'T HESITATE TO CALL OR EMAIL OR MESSAGE me!!!!!--I really care about my friends and want to help out in every way possible!! LYLAS! BFFAA!
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