Song

Soulmate By Natasha Bedingfield

Incompatible, it don't matter though
Cuz someone's bound to hear my cry
Speak out if you do
You're not easy to find
Is it possible Mr. Loveable
Is in my life?
Right in front of me
Or maybe you're in disguise
Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone
Here we are again, circles never end
How do I find the perfect fit
There's enough for everyone
But I'm still waiting in line
Most relationships seem so transitory
They're all good but not the permanent one.

I heard this song and I thought that I can identify the most with it and I feel the same way. I sort of connected with this song and feel that it kinda goes along with how I feel most of the time.

Angel Drawing

This my angel drawing I drew a week ago. I googled a picture of an angel to inspire this drawing.

Poem

Mistakes

A girl sits in her room.

She stares sadly at the black walls.

She wonders; she worries

About her future.

She regrets and thinks about,

Her past mistakes.

She feels sorry for,

The things she's done.

But her mother has

No faith in her anymore.

She cries all the time,

But the pain doesn't go.

She wishes she could

Take everything back

But to right her wrong,

Would be to never learn

Her lessons.

She wonders if life

Will get better.

She needs somewhere,

To belong.

She needs to find

A way to feel whole again.

The lies she never

Meant to tell.

Still makes her life hell.

She wants someone

To understand her.

She needs

Someone to understand.

Her mother

Makes her feel

Like she has no soul.

Makes her feel

So sick and unloved.

She wants so badly

To feel

Like a person.

Instead, she feels

Like a monster.

Her mother's eyes

So accusing,

So full of hate.

Is it possible

For a mother to hate her daughter?

Is it fair

To call her a liar?

To say she can't stand

Being near her?

Is that what

She deserves?

To be criticized

And treated

Like a criminal?

Is it right?

The mother

Doesn't understand

That the things she says

Hurts so deeply.

Cuts through

The skin,

And stabs the heart,

Like an arrow

Stinging with poison.

Is it possible

To cross

An unseen line

For her mother

To be so cruel?

I wrote this after a particularly awful "conversation" with my mother...

Life Sucks...A Lot.

I don't know how life got so hard to live through. I think about my past all the time and wonder why some things can't just go back to the way they were again. I wish that my family wasn't so dysfunctional. We don't get along like we should. My relationship with my mother is not good at all. I used to love my mother. But as the years have gone by, I've noticed that things have gone so downhill that I don't this family can make it back up.

My brother is an ass, and he hits me all the time and my parents have never stopped cussing even when i was really young. All my life, i always thought that everything was all good. I thought that my relationships with my family was okay. But the thing is, I've been lying to myself all these years. My mother's voice yelling at me in the past two months have showed me that nothing is okay, it's never just been okay.

I've been blind to the fact that there is no way this family can work. Our tempers, and our problems with each other show that really well. I never thought that my mom would ever hate me. I've always thought that if your mother really loves you, she would never say that your a spoiled, deceitful brat. I never thought that something I do would cause such a reaction.

Every holiday has been horrible as the years go by. The only holiday i enjoyed in 2009 was Halloween. Christmas was kind of a disaster because my mom found out about my F in guitar. She yelled at me and I yelled back. She was making everybody clean the house and my room was a little messy. i tried to clean up some of the things that shouldn't be lying around, but i had forgotten that stupid letter sent home addressed to my dad. She found when she had been cleaning out my desk.

My birthday party was fun, but my birthday day was horrid. I had forgotten my key, and my dad said he would leave the house unlocked for me, but the house wasn't unlocked. I was going to call my dad but I had a couple missed calls from my mom so I called her back and she was not happy. Apparently, I was supposed to keep my phone in my pocket so I could answer her call or whatever. So I was locked out of the house for a few hours.

Yeah, that's some of my boring stories of the craptastic times I've had.

Pics Of My Room!

This is my first pic of my bed. I love it!!!! It's a Twilight themed room, its so amazing. My mom picked out the bedding and pillows.


This second pic has the pillow that my mom got me for my eighteenth birthday. I love this pillow as well because it shows that I'm Team Switzerland.